Silence your inner critic

Counsellor Jas Sembhi on how to practise self-compassion when you have MS

When living with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS) you may choose to speak with a counsellor to explore your feelings around how the physical symptoms of the condition have impacted your life. This could be to do with the impact that this has had on your work, on your family life, or on the hobbies that you previously engaged in.

As a counsellor for clients living with MS, one area I often explore is the perception of yourself whilst experiencing these changes. You may be kinder to yourself and give yourself the space you need to process the changes. Or you may find that you are becoming more critical towards yourself – for example, you may feel angry or annoyed at yourself for not being able to do things in the same way as you did prior to diagnosis, or you might feel guilty because you needed to cancel a get-together with friends.

Your inner critic

I often explore with clients how they can acknowledge their thoughts and feelings around the changes that they are experiencing, but also to ask whether the role that their ‘inner critic’ plays is helpful? Does the inner critic make them feel better, or leave them feeling worse about themselves? Would developing a more compassionate voice be more helpful?

Sometimes it can be easier for us to be more compassionate to a close friend or a family member than we are towards ourselves. If your best friend said that walking long distances was very difficult for them due to a medical condition, would you react from a place of understanding and empathy and try and think of ways in which you could be helpful? For example, suggesting regular breaks, going for shorter walks, or that it is OK to say ‘no’ when they feel they need to rest? Or would you be critical towards them? If your response was the first one – what was the reason for this? If you had been critical, how do you think this would have impacted your friend?

How would it feel to practise compassion towards yourself? For example, if you are feeling frustrated that it is taking you longer to get ready, and you can hear your ‘inner critic’ arising, how would it feel to acknowledge the frustration that you are experiencing, but instead of being critical towards yourself, how would it feel to be kinder towards yourself?
It may not always be easy to find this compassionate voice, especially if your inner critic has always been at the forefront. But becoming aware of your self-talk and how this is impacting you can be the first step in your journey to start making these changes.